There's school tomorrow. SHEEEEZZZZ. As I've been discussing with Claudine on facebook. Hah. It started 60 days ago and now it's still ongoing. Lovely.

I've done my homework. :D Even though it's due on Friday. So yeah. There's still some stuff that's a bit messy that I haven't solved. My mum wants me to get into dance. So, uh, I think she's going to call/email/meet the tic. And so I think I'm going to audition. She wants to include my dance achievements. If that helps... It'll be a lot if she counts my exams. Ahaha. I hope I get in too! Cassmine's doing it with me. And michy will be in dance too.

I think I'm joining to join Sophie's moderndance class. On Saturdays. Or rather, I will. I have to work my splits, still. They've been rusty. Haiyo. It's getting there, just not full. Ugh. It's more jazz but there's like ballet in it. Oh gosh. 1h30min. Who wants to join with me? I think Nic will join with me cause her school's dance needs a little ballet too. Oh well. My mum says okay.

I've been going through my old stuff in my blogger account. And I found this.
coughyellowcoughthingscough; ahemgreencoughaliens; sneezebloodycoughredburpguyscough; ahemawesomestcoughbluesniffhousesneezeever.

HAHA. Highlight to read. But awesome or what! It's the funniest thing ever. I think Shien and I made it up. Or with stef or sam or something like that.

Birthday celebration at Glendale! Stef and Jo's been there for Zacky's birthday party!

Cya tomorrow !

BOOOOYAH. :D

Somebody's getting an itouch/iphone! Yeah, me. ;D Daddy said not for Christmas though, but I'm gonna wait! OOOOOOOooooo. :D I can't wait! Hahahah. I'd prefer an itouch. Because then, I can get the Nokia 6760 slide for my phone. Cool. :D Hahahah. I don't know if the 6760 is touch screen. I'm gonna check it out later.

Right now, my sister went to get her new phone using my plan. But that's okay. Because I used somebody's plan too. So I'm okay with it. Besides she waited a long time. Anyway, I'm still not sure if I should get touch or phone. I need somebody to tell me! Where's stef when I need her the most!!!!

IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS AWESOME NUTS. 8D

I've been really happy these days even though so many bad stuff has happened. Thanks to Rissa and Steffffffff. :D STEFFFFFF IS BRINGING ME SNOW! FRESH FROM ARIZONA MAN. ;D ;D

The latest episodes from Hai Pai Tian Xin and Tao Hua Xiao Mei are out tomorrow. Lovely. ;D Waiting to see if mummy will let me preorder fahrenheit's newest album. Maybe she won't. D: Anyway, these few days have been awesssssome. :D Yes, I've been doing my math, very hardworking! :D

Oh! And I finally got the new songs into my itunes because my computer has been really gross and laggy. D: So my itunes was all messed up. But it's fine now, and I'm listening to them. :D Lovely. Hahaha. Yesterday, went for Christmas hightea with cousinssss. :D

Aunty Susan booked 2 hugeeee tables at goodwood park. Uhm, who went? All 4 families. Hahaha. The usual, from papa's side. I love that side of family! Happiness is always around. Yeashhh. :D Well I had so many springrolls cause they were good. And I had brocolli and picked out the mushrooms for zacky. Haha. It was a buffet thing. Cool. I had bao. Hahaha. Charsiew. And it's nice. Noodles? Some abalone thing. Siewmai! Yay. Lots of nice stuff. After eating, had desert. Zacky had a little mango pudding and I had chocolate mousse. I took all the chocolate flakes and white chocolate slabs off the serving. Hahaha. I hope nobody saw man.

We talked a lot. With Daddy's oldest brother. Hahaha. And cousins. Only zixin came cause they rest were busy. D: But ohwells. :D It was fun. Talked and talked. Mummy kept talking to Aunty Susan and ignored me. DD: So I brought zacky out for a little walk and he was fussing. And we saw warren. :D Hahah. Took pictures. :D Warren is so big now. And he's got BIG eyes. How cute! Spidey was carrying warren weirdly. Hahah. I brought zacky back in and dumped him on ahbee. She's the funniest. Heh. Then I had nothing to do. I joined Maddy and Daryl. Oh man.

They were all about korean dudes. But I was okay. Neutral. Dont really dont like them. I sent Maddy the kimbum theme. Hahaha. She loved it. Am I nice or what! Then we played waterslide on daddy's iphone. I'm the best okay! I played level 1 at home. Then went there and the 3 of us took turns to play the next levels. Daryl suckedddd. I played level 2 and maddy played 3 and I played 4 and maddy played 5 and DARYL PLAYED SIX! SIX IS THE HARDEST AND HE'S THE WORSE. AHAHAHA. Thankgoodness we had enough hearts. He kept going on about how everyone deserves a second and third chance. Rubbish.

He had this long lecture before he had to go. Had a hard time getting rid of him. xD Hahaha. Then we left. :D

Today-
Church, NO DANCE! Went to iluma and ate at manhatten's fish market. Awesome stuff. Looked in singtel. For my sister's blackberry. I want that nokia phone! Ftw.

These days have been the best for a long time. Loved it. Cya'll!

"CAMELLIA!!!!!!! The awesomest desk partner everrr... Vandalising the tables, drawing on our shoes, cutting my chem txtbook, doodling, playing with pen ink, hiding my thumbdrive, etc.. Even though we quarrel quite often, the next day we would act like nothing ever happened which is really cool(: it's been sooo fun being desk partners with you.. Love you my dear camel awesome CAMELLAINE<3"  --Elaine.

Hahaha, Elaine is awesome. :D

I decided I might as well do a nice post today. And update what stuff I've been doing. Sheeeez.

Well, they are having like this endless talk via facebook inbox on our class outing, for Jean. Face it, IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN. I sit there reading and wonder why in the world did I contribute anything. And I read about how people say totally irrelevant stuff. Some class-tee thing is going on now when our subject is class outing. YO, WE ARE DISCUSSING DIFFERENT THINGS. GET REAL. Yeah. So I kinda stopped. I just receive and not contribute. Oh wellllls.

And, uh. Nothing much. Down with fever the other day. After shan's birthday thing. But I was fine after 2 days. 8D But I lost that feeling. I think that feeling lasted 3 days. I am no longer alien hybrid. Ugh, this sucks. OH YES. I did all my homework on the computer. Yes, I did. Because I HAD TO HAVE AN EXCUSE to use the computer and listen to music and stuff. So I did my homework. And I typed it all out in chinese. D: And now it can't open. SUCKSSSSS.

Sunday- Church, dance, uji, home
I went to church and uhh, usual. Zacky was fussing. We went to buy lunch. And there wasn't enough time for me. So, I didn't eat lunch, went for dance. HAHAHAHAHA, dance was coooool. Yes, it was. We learnt tango. JOLYN'S DOG. :D Spanish, dudes. It's cool. And we have to do the arm thingys. And Ms. Fiona wanted us to use our arms. And everyone didn't do it. Hah. Tango beats are coool. I can count it now. :D Walked home. Ate lunch. Daddy sent me to go pick some books from the bookshop. He brought zacky to uji to feed the coys. Zacky loves it there. :D Hahaha. They came and picked me and I went home. Bathed. HAHAHA. I read the books. I got 3. :D I'm on my third today. I ROCK MAN. :D They are like about 300 pages long. 8D

Yesterday-
I woke up late. Heehee. Like latelate. Around 10+ and it took me a long time to get ready. Ugh. See right, I have like this routine thing I do in the morning and before I sleep. Before I sleep, uh. I beat my bed. Yes, dust will collect. Haha. Then I arrange my bed, [I don't really make my bed] Like, I mean, I DO. But it gets messed up before I sleep in it at night, get it? Yes, cause I use it in the afternoon. Well. I sleep on the spongy pillow with cover. And I'll hug my bolster. That's on my left. And there will be a down pillow on my right. I just took out the cover of the down pillow last night because it's made of this material that is cold. So the cover is warmer and I don't like it. So I took it out. And my feet has another spongy pillow WITHOUT cover. Cause, yes, it's colder too. :D Haha. And my blanket is like those that the babies use. The one with holes so it's nice and cold. :D Well. Then I mosturize. Get down to brush my teeth and everything. Then read a book and turn the lights off. :D There we go. The mosturizer helps me sleep. Really. Cause it's got a very smooth feeling. I dont know. If I dont use it, it feels weird.

Well, woke up, I put some more mosturizer on this dry spot I have on my ankle. I have no idea why I have a dry spot there okay. It's getting better, yay! Went to toilet and did everything there. And read my book. :D Zacky came back from his play thing. And HE FUSSED. Annoying freak! D: I scolded him. And he started whining for my sister and my mum. And I scolded him again because he was sprawling over the floor and demanding for them and I OFFERED to play with him his megablocks. I never do that, it takes too much time. BUT I DID. And he rejected it. Damnation! I was angry, yeah I was angry. I got pissed. And I dumped him  on the sofa and left him crying and yelling there and then I couldn't take it, I told him, "Zacky, if you continue crying, mummy's not coming back tonight" That did it. That shut him up.

Went for dance. Horrible horrible horrible. HORRIBLE! Samesame, warmups, turnings. And Ms. Fiona told me that I my hands need to feel more relaxed. And I need to whip faster because that would mark me down. And my shoulders need to feel firmer and my back needs to be striaghter and I should bend my knees and I should "point" my stamp in the direction that I was turning in. YES. She told me all that. I hope I remember that next week. Sheeeez. Anyway, went on to foxtrot, the hard one. And she made us stretch because she said that now the examiners are doing australian standard which is worse. And she said that the grade I got for the exam I just did, did not deprove me. It's just australian standard. OH well. I just needed to pass, man. Highly commended. :D Awesomeeee. The examiner was great, anyway.

Back to the point where she made me stretch because she said that gave personality and character to the dance and THAT's australian tap. Oh man. I dont know how Mich and Claudine can do it so uh. I dont know. But they're good like woowwwiee. Anyway, I'm bored now. I'm going to watch tv.

My life still sucks. Real bad.

I found out that Nicola is wrong. Check it out man. On facebook. I wrote on her wall. COMMENT! Well, my life sucks apart from shan's birthday and like all the other time I go out, yeah?

Videos and pictures on facebook. Videos tell more, watch them. :D

Something is bothering. Ugh. I don't understand it.

You're a bastard. I don't mean like joking bastard. I mean real bastard. A bastard is a kid that was born before their parents were married, male or female. Well, I'm talking female. But. You're one. A bastard. Except that your parents were married before having you. But you suck, you know that? Because you don't just have fun with somebody and dump them after a while. No. Especially since you've "had fun" with me for a few years. Like. 3 years, maybe. Or more. Nah, I think 3 years. But still. I don't know why I don't have that feeling. You know. That feeling of hatred and my heart breaking and stuff.

It's like you're just gone. Like you have never appeared in my life before. Like my life was perfect before you came in. But I know it wasn't. When I say "I love you", it doesn't show the real feeling I have towards you. It feels like I love you but distant. Distant love and love that has no effect. My love or your love, it has no effect on the other party. Like <3 on msn doesn't mean anything. It's just a decoration to "Love you <3". Did you realise? I can't get angry with you at all. I don't. I can't bear to. I'm not smart no. But I'm smart enough to realise and understand what you're feeling. And I don't like what I'm seeing. I want to go back in time when we were good. And we were fine with our lives.

Because that time, I was living fine and now I find out everything that breaks up my life. I believe I was adopted. My life sucks. I am adopted. That's why. All my life, I've been living my biological parents that don't feel that they belong to me. You know who they belong to? Do you know? They belong to my sister. My brother. I'm like. Lost. Even in my own "family". I want to be the only child. Do you know how fortunate it is? Boring, yes. But you have all the luck in the world. And all the love under the sun. Did you know that in all those stupid parenting books, do you know what they write about the middle child? Independent. Intelligent. Responsible. THEY ARE WRONG. Those words should be replaced with: Worst. Kid. Ever.

I don't care anymore. I'm do stuff. Stuff that's meaningful to me but not to you. 'cause I'm going to show you. You know that? That I'm NOT inferior to my siblings. You know? So what if my sister is good at her academics? So what if her maths and sciences exceed your expectations because she has control over her internet usage. "She just finished a major exam" you say. FINISHING A MAJOR EXAM LETS YOU GET ALL THE COMPUTER TIME IN THE WORLD? I wonder what happened to PSLE. Fine then. I fine with that. But so what if my brother has a 2000 word vocabulary by 2 and a half years old? I didn't have it. I know it. 'cause you only produce smart kids. And you don't care about dance. I know it so well. You think dance is nothing. Dance is like the worst thing in the world. Just because you studied in RGS and NUS and all those bloody good school doesn't mean I have to go there. Do you oppose all school that is related to the arts? Laselle? Because it's not academic?

My life sucks.

Out with Nicola on Monday to watch New Moon. :D Cineleisure. :D :D Double smiley!

I added music at the bottom, above the search thingy.

Click the little arrow on top the player! Then you can just select the songs. Hahaha. Listen okay? :D

Well. Yesterday was busy. Hah. Woke up. Early. At like 8.30. I didn't know what I was thinking. Ugh. I was all cranky in the morning. Used the computer for a while, had pasta for lunch. :D I love pasta. :D Hahaha. And then. Changed. Got ready for tuition. I got there. I put my things down went to the toilet. Walked out. Saw Rainer. Ugh. Double Ugh. He's already taller than me. I'm very very unhappy. D:

Then we did science. Chemistry, I think. Should be chemistry. Hah. We copied the whole thing from the periodic table. Then atom mass and everything. Hah. I finished faster than rainer. Yeah, we compete for everything. Loser. Then. Uhh. I did sec 1 algebra. Haha. I suck at algebra lah okay. Was supposed to do the sec2 book. But I didn't bring my book. I just cracked my knuckles. And speaking of cracking knuckles, I cracked them while I was doing my science paper. Then uhh. Rainer was being a loser, again. He obviously couldn't crack his. But he tried to. So he cracked ONE. Hahahaha. I cracked 18. All ones "connecting" the palm and fingers. And the ones where I can balance the coin. Hahaha. I'm good. :D 18 is the maximum. 'cause the thumbs don't have the extra joint. Well. yeah. I owned him for that. Hahahahahah. :D I'm very pleased.

I left. Hahaha. He's stuck there doing math. And he's going to barker next year! Oh gosh. Ew. He's totally not acs type.

Went for dance. It's like a makeup lesson. For uh. Last Monday and Last Last Monday. It sucked! Bad time. There were 4 of us today. 'cause Sophie's away. And I think Claudine's uh. Not free. Or something like that. It's more or less what we do in 1 lesson except that we spend more time on each section. So. Warm ups. As usual. Simple, quick ones. Went on with time steps. We learnt 2 new amalgamations. Tiring. Sweat! Haha. We had to do it almost perfect. And it was hard. So hard. And confusing. And fast! Then we started on set work. Around 12 weeks till our next exam. 3 months. I can't even remember the uhh. Foxtrot. Haha.

We had to do slow tempo and fast tempo. Had a little change to the step. When we were learning the step, Ms Fiona pushed me so hard so that I could whip and turn one more round on the hop. Took me a long time. But now she said that I didn't have to do it. Ugh. D: Left and right. Slow and fast tempo. So it's like 4 times. twice for each time. 8 repeats. But I didn't some properly. Ended up doing 11 repeats. More sweat! Foxtrot now. The titanic one. D: I'm so bad at that. Haha. It's the hard one. Haha. But I got through it. :D Then went through quick time. Ms. Fiona said Mich and me were good for remembering the dance. :D But we did it for concert, so... Mich had a blister. Hahaha. After foxtrot. So she took off her shoe. And danced with one shoe. Heehee.

So tiring. 2hours. But Ms Fiona gave us a break. For a short time only. D: Haha. Learnt more character. Super niang one. Haha. It's cool. Did from start. Lesson end. Ms. Fiona went. "Maybe we should have 2h lessons. I never get anything covered during lessons, anyway." I hope not. Hahaha. I'm so tired already. I remember last time it was worse. During concert practice. But I got used to that last time. Now I'm not used to it. Hahaha. We did wings. I forgot. And left foot's very lazy. Doesn't want to roll out. So my wings sound terrible on my left foot. She made me do it on the chair. Hahaha. And uhh. Went home. Bathed. Had dinner. Watched k.o.3anguo, read the chinese book. I'm going to do my homework. :D

That's it. This morning was doing the music player thing.

The first is.. yuan yi bu ai ni. AARON. :D It's from the xfamily soundtrack. I think. Then it's du bu qi. By Wang Zi. I think his voice is nice. :D I can't remember the third one. Wang Zi by Nicholas Teo, I think. Yeah. I think that's the third one. Then it's Shuo Shuo by BangBangTang. And.. Yi Ge Ren Jiu Hao. All very nice. :D Listen okay. :D I don't have Wang Zi by Nicholas Teo and Yuan Yi Bu Ai Ni by AARON. :D and Du Bu Qi by Wang ZI. I want them. Send me if you have. :D: Thanks sweets!

I am going to post a long today. You can just skip this whole post. I have the urge to type. And blabber out every single thing on my mind. But seriously, I can't keep it going for a long time, and I do know that you guys are going to be bored. Well, I know many read the first part and it gets boring so you skip the whole post entirely. I've gone through that. At Cassmine's blog. HAHAHAHAHAAH. I dont have a lot of interest in what people do anyway. So if you skip this, I wont be angry. Hah, I promise.

----

I think you should know that you don't have to smile through your tears.
You don't have to tell yourself that everything's gonna be okay, because nothing's gonna be okay if you don't make it okay. You don't have to pretend that there's nothing wrong. You don't have to wear a mask.
Because that would mean that you're running away from yourself. And let's face it, what you need now is to find yourself.
Credits to Bern

I mean, face it, it's so true. I told shan and she said it was so. What? It had so much essence or something, right? I mean, if something's bothering, you tell somebody. What do you take us for? Not just friends, no. It's never just friends. More than friends. Much more. "Friends" is just a label for people you know. Friends are people attached to another by feelings of affection and personal regard. Friends are people who are on good terms with another. People who are not hostile. Friends are people who give assistance. Do you get it? Friends are not your backup. Friends are put in place for a reason. For assistance, comfort and love. Don't hide it anymore, yeah? We love you, okay? :D

On a brighter side, WHO'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP?!?! If you don't know, go click the 'profile' tab, you bastards. Ugh. All not worthy of love.

Well, so haven't been doing much. Listening to music, watching videos and stuff. I'm going to get some stuff for you guys soon yeah.

Nicola's getting me elephant's husks, dried bones and tendons, dead insects in hardened tree sap, a fossil and dried, hardened fish. YAY! Thanks! Luvya. Cool stuff man. My brother's so naughty these days. Aiya. I was going to write lots of stuff just now.

But I lost interest. Hahahahahaha. Everybody's going to holiday. I tell you right. When you guys go for holiday, you HAVE to get me the chocolate from that country! Especially AMERICA. STEFFFFFFFF! I haven't eaten the real chocolates from america. ahhhh. Reeses. STEF GET ME THOSE PEANUT BUTTER CUPS! REESESSSSS. <3 Thai Chocolate. Ahahaha. African Chocolate. Hahahaha. Where else! New Zealand Chocolate. AHAHAHAHA. COOL STUFF MAN.

I'm so happy now. Chocolate makes me so happy. :D Grandma said that on my birthday, don't need to have reunion dinner anymore. Can just buy me icecream and chocolate. I love sweet stuff. Haahahaha. There's going to be chocolate on my birthday, There HAS to be. :D

YAY! Okay. :D Cya!